I mentioned in my last post about powerful vulnerability that I would lay out some of the things I’ve learned through my “failed” crowdfunding campaign. Normally, I start these posts with a short anecdote of some kind but I really just want to jump to the point of my biggest take-away because I’ve gotten a lot of feedback about it just from conversations.The upshot: I clearly had expectations that certain people would help. Some of them did. A lot of them didn’t. It hurt my feelings.
Here’s the thing though. I didn’t realize that I had those expectations until my feelings were hurt. I help people all the time. I buy their stuff, I refer clientele, I bring in business, I share their offerings on my social media, I give testimonials and 3rd party validation, I connect people with all kinds of resources and I offer advice when they ask for it and cheerleading when they need it. I didn’t think I did that with ANY kind of expectation that they owed me anything. But when enough of those people didn’t contribute or even share the link I was surprised. Shock quickly turned to good-old fashioned hurt. I’m not proud of it but I’m just going to own the giant, whiny baby inside of me that vehemently yelled, “that’s not fair!”
Once the ungrateful tantrum subsided, however, a greater truth was revealed to me. Not only did I subconsciously write a contract about how I and others “should” engage with one another (which is ridiculous) I also held a very limiting understanding of who would/could/should support me and that’s just plain silliness. There are over 7 billion people in the world and I unintentionally agreed that a mere sampling of them would love me and what I do and have a readiness for what I offer. What??? That’s crazy. That’s like looking up at Orion’s belt saying “those are the stars that will light my sky,” as though the rest of the stars in the night sky were non-existent. Why? Why would anyone limit themselves like that? But I did and I don’t know if I’d have ever learned that about myself if I hadn’t taken such a big leap.
Truth is, we do it all the time!
- We limit our potential income to the number of hours we work,
- we limit our potential knowledge to the number of books we’ve read or classes we’ve taken, and
- we limit our potential support to the number of people we’ve already helped.
We mistakenly look at our lives as a linear trade agreement; we believe that if I first do this then it is reasonable to expect that. Every time we create a would/could/should scenario we stop being available to what just IS.
What IS true is that I’ve built the system that helps people find and do specifically what they’re meant to do on this planet.
What IS true is that these tools are available to over 7 billion people, not just people in my immediate sphere of influence but people all over the globe who recognize that change starts within but they just don’t know how.
What IS true is that there is a lot more for me to uncover within myself through the rest of this publishing process as well as simply building my business, being a mother and a million other things I do and am every day.
What IS true is that I get a choice about how and why I support others and I now know how to make those contributions really clean.
What IS true is that I get a choice about how and why I support others and I now know how to make those contributions really clean.
I have SO much to be grateful for!
For those of you who want the rest of the list here’s what else I’ve learned:
I can ask for stuff. That’s a tough one for me but I did it – over and over again and I’m still alive.
Sometimes people are grateful to be asked directly. (Sometimes they just ignore you – but see point #1 for the results of that.)
In general, people don’t understand what crowdfunding is.
In general, people don’t take the time to understand new stuff even when you spell it out for them.
Taking risks reveals a lot of the work left to do within you.
I have some really amazing friends around me who support me even when I’m being a giant, whiney woman-child. This is not fresh news…but I sure relied on them a lot during this process and it was wonderful way for me to get centered back into gratitude and hold the ultimate vision of success for all of us.
PS: In case I haven’t said it enough, to those of you who did support F.A.I.L. to Win thank you, thank you, thank you. I know this post was about my mewling and stomping but your support throughout the process emboldened me to re-commit to this journey and continue looking ahead at what’s next for all of us. I’m incredibly lucky to have you in my corner and I hope you know that you have me in yours.
Triffany: What an honest post – I finally realized that we can’t give with the expectation of equal return. We need to just do what’s right. However, I have also learned that there are manipulators and “takers” who will ask you for everything and give nothing back. In that situation, love yourself enough to separate yourself from that kind of energy. Focus on those who love and support you, and keep moving forward. Many people who are successful today spent years building their business, and were screwed along the way by a taker. Your mission is right. Keep going!
Thank you do much, Donna! These lessons can be quite painful but they are still such a gift, aren’t they? I guess they’re called “blind spots” for a reason! 🙂 I sure appreciate your encouragement, too. This whole journey has been an exercise in returning to what is right, as you put it, and I count myself lucky to be surrounded by people like you who help me hold that Truth. Big hugs to you, my dear!!
Great reminders and food for thought–what contracts do I have that others don’t know about?
Right?? My head goes to the same place. I’m sure I have more! That’s the great thing about forging ahead and doing the uncomfortable…nothing reveals the work you have left like putting your neck on the line!