Letting Go Is Surprisingly Hard Work
In an ideal world, February’s work on forgiveness as a function of Love left you feeling like a brand new person with a clean slate looking for reinvention. That’s in an ideal world. The reality is quite a bit different for most.
It’s quite possible, especially if this was your first foray into the actual WORK involved in being Love, that you actually feel quite tired from it all. Totally normal and right on track, actually.
“Fresh” Starts Very Rarely Feel Fresh
March is all about renewal and possibilities. That means, for most, that there’s a real possibility that forgiveness, grace and compassion require a lot more work. Even if that’s not what you’d had in mind, that’s STILL possibility. That’s STILL renewed commitment.
That’s important to remember because any time you need a “fresh” start, chances are you’re worn out from some kind of tribulation. That means you’ve learned how elusive the magical “new beginning” really is. It ALSO means you already have the strength within to re-commit when it’s hard.
You Have What It Takes To Renew This Journey
When you started on your Passion on Purpose path you made a deal with yourself to stop doing what you’ve always done and start doing something that leads you to more than just the day to day grind that you’re used to. You set a goal to find your purpose and your passion.
Our endless pursuit of passion, and life’s purpose, comes with the mistaken understanding that
- We all have some inherent reason to exist
- We should all just know that reason
- We should feel excited about answering that reason’s call to duty.
The truth is
- Deep-seated reasons for existence are (most often) developed, not imbued
- Except for the lucky rarity, those reasons are revealed over time and through a lot of tribulation
- Mostly, we spend the bulk of our youth in resistance to or in denial of our reasons, and
- The road to discovery is often confusing and uncomfortable (especially if it flies in the face of convention).
Imagine you knew, at birth, exactly what you’re meant to do in life. Do you think, for a moment, that just because you know your purpose you’re entitled to a place in the world that needs you?
Does a person destined to be a doctor simply land in that post at some magical age? No. He’s got to prove himself in a lot of different ways until he’s earned it.
Does a concert pianist suddenly fill a house because she’s meant to fill the masses’ hearts with joy? No, of course not.
Neither does the quiet and beloved influencer/ambassador acquire their job as a receptionist, office manager, sales person or customer service agent.
Every Destination Requires A Journey
Every role that is filled in the world is a role someone had to GROW into (read: earn). Every destination requires a journey.
- You learn direction because you’ve been lost.
- Self-efficacy develops from having problems you have to solve.
- Resolve is forged through desperation.
Life’s hardships condition you to travel the path toward your purpose. Because the exercises that strengthen you feel overwhelming at times, it’s hardly any wonder that the purpose itself gets obscured by all of the circumstances (that feel like obstacles) along the way.
The first step you need to gain clarity about your purpose is to stop assuming it should be in focus in the first place. Instead, take a look at what the path toward it has been preparing you for.
- Surrounded by narcissists when you’re an empath? Setting healthy boundaries is your practice … perhaps because you’re meant to teach them as a parent, a school counselor, an entrepreneur or a team lead in a corporation.
- Find yourself in a “Phoenix Cycle” where you rise to a certain level only to fall and have to rebuild again? You’re learning resiliency and self-efficacy. What artist, solopreneur, venture capitalist or non-profit didn’t have to learn these things from somewhere?????
Take a good, hard look at the opportunities that lay in front of you. Opportunities don’t always look like a gift. Sometimes [often] they look like some serious bullshit. Chances to discover, grow and heal most often take the appearance of
- Untenable decisions
- Picking yourself back up (again)
- Just. One. More. Thing.
It would be absolutely wonderful if, right now, you felt the clean slate that February’s work makes possible. If you don’t, however, it only means that your “renewal and possibility” state is still yours to create.
Your circumstances don’t have to change, only your story about your circumstances needs to change. Understand what’s improved by your hardship and 1) it stops feeling so goddamn hard and 2) you begin to move through it toward what really matters…your purpose.
Take the first part of March to really evaluate where you are after such hard work last month.
Raring to go? Start treasure-hunting the clues to your passion.
Feeling wobbly? Re-commit to the Love practices.
Be patient with yourself. It’s like I tell my kids, “you’ve got your whole life to figure out your whole life.”