If this is my first unexpected gift then why am I on the fence about it?

Is This an Unexpected Gift?

Pre – The Unexpected Gift

I have to tell you the rest of the story from Thursday first!

Something you need to know: a few weeks ago my friend, Colleen Kelly,  made me go to the hospital because I reported an overnight incident that sounded just like a woman’s heart attack.

Screen Shot 2015-07-10 at 8.18.51 PMI had #1 alternating between my solar plexus and back, #2 in my neck, #3 and #4 violent fits of vomiting (TMI? *cringe*) All tests say I’m good. No worries but you needed to know this. I did, however, write on my to-do list the previous night “PURGE” in capital letters. Ultimately, I decided that somehow I’d simply purged on a deeper level than the closet clean-out I’d imagined.

It just so happens I have an accountability meeting with another Life Coach, Sigrid Allen, on Thursdays. We coach each other when stuff comes up for us too. She’s fantastic. She offered to coach me through the doubt using some visualization. Immediately I felt a dulled version of the same sensation I felt that night of “The Purge”! There was no mistaking it. She asked me if the sensation was connected to anyone or anything else. My ex was there along with a couple other people I knew and couple that felt familiar but didn’t look familiar. We worked on the spot where I’d once been connected and sent out some healing energy toward the people involved.

Later, after checking in on my ex’s wellbeing, I asked a frank question of my him, “I know its a shitty part of what you’re dealing with but I need to know what the kids and I are facing financially. What’s the reality right now?” Magnanimously he told me how hard he was working to figure that out. I wasn’t looking for a deposit, mind you. Just facts.

The Unexpected Gift

Friday morning, today, there’s a deposit into my account. I don’t know where he got it and he hasn’t been able to promise anything else but today he just extended my “not-screwed yet” status to 4 weeks, counting the one that has just passed.

I’m not sure how to count this into this experiment because it’s a legal requirement, but come on!! Who’s really going to just expect that money anymore?? I sure didn’t.

I said in the manifesto that I would

  • Allow abundance to flow through me
  • Practice non-attachment, especially to specific outcomes.

So do I count this unexpected gift as a measure of success of this experiment directly? I don’t really know, to be honest. I’m counting it as some kind of success for sure! And I’m paying bills with it as though I expect there to be plenty of money to pay them again next week. Whether it’s the obvious (a man working hard to honor his obligation) or the subtle (bringing in money that was unexpected but easy to receive b/c the consciousness was already aligned for it), I don’t know. I don’t have to know why or how this money came to me to stay true to my initial principles in the manifesto.

I’m really diving into that energy of love, growth, opportunity and freedom. NOW. Why not? All we ever really have is now anyway.

Do you have gifts in your life that you’re unclear on how or why they came to you? Are you like me that it’s more important to celebrate them than to understand them or do you need to know? Does that help or hurt you?