The Genesis of The Abundance Experiment

This Abundance Experiment was borne of an event that transpired over Independence Day weekend.

This past Thursday evening, July 2, 2015, I got a call from my ex-husband’s mom telling me he’d been in a terrible motorcycle accident. Alive but badly injured and confused he was in the ICU at a hospital almost 2 hours from me and the kids.

After the initial thoughts about his physical well being and my secondary thoughts about my kids’ emotional well-being I had a third, tough to admit publicly, thought about my financial well being. I’ve leaned heavily (more than I care to admit) on my support income to be able to take care of my kids and give them a good home. His uncertain financial future makes my current financial security tenuous at best.

Most important right now is that he heals. It’s going to be difficult road but everything is pointing in the direction of improvement. So I can set that aside for the moment.

I could give you all the reasons why raising kids and maintaining a business is expensive in every way, financially, emotionally, psychologically and physically. This experiment is not about those old stories.

The Abundance Experiment is about my new story

My new story that I am, for the first time in a long time, completely reliant on myself financially. When I consider the fact that even relying on a job had me dependent on someone else’s success this is really the first time I’ve ever been completely reliant on myself and my relationship with money.

I want to allow for abundance in my life in a whole new way. It’s a leap of faith for me, really, because I’ve only ever had visions of what’s possible with abundance. Those visions feel so true for me that it’s hard not to believe they’re entirely possible.

I’ve embarked on a path that is both brand new yet oddly familiar.

In a recent meditation I saw a science lab, green liquid was flowing through tubes that climbed and fell, swirled and spiraled and ultimately poured out into a giant beaker where it formed what I immediately knew as “my money.” I watched with curiosity as my consciousness agreed to this metaphor; that money was a part of some unknowable system “out there” until it found its way to my depository where I could easily identify it as “my money,” and then decide where “my money” went after that. As I watched, the beaker morphed into a bubble and the money liquified. Part of me began to panic, “where was ‘my money’ going?!” I realized that the green fluid was flowing so effortlessly into the bubble where it would pool until there was enough of it to continue to flow outward into an entire circuitry of tubing that disappeared into an infinite universe of shadows and light. At first fascinated and curious about where it was going, I then became curious about where it came from. It took me a moment to recognize the fun, light, playful feel this curiosity about money had. The moment I realized that the giddiness around money, I recognized that the bubble never emptied. It grew and shrunk but it never emptied.

I believe fluidity is the true nature of abundance. I feel it in my bones.

I haven’t been living my life that way. I haven’t been living with the trust that abundance, especially financial abundance, is infinite. Indefinite and ever-changing, sure, but truly infinite. I’ve been living as though as long as I do the right things, the sanctioned and culturally agreed upon things, then I may receive “my money.” And I must be careful about where it goes because it only comes in finite amounts and I may not do the right things again or in the right order or whatever it is my subconscious fears.

I have a do-over here. A clean slate. Even though it scares the shit out of me, I’m doing this differently this time.